Ah it's come time for this train wreck to stop in Fiji for the last one on one dates. What mother doesn't love to watch her child forgo their separate rooms to shack up on national tv?
We find out quickly that Fiji is the "ultimate place to fall in love" I'm confused... is it Fiji or is it Phucket?! I have no idea where i'm supposed to find the ultimate place to fall in love and get engaged?
Ashley once again is wearing some crap from Forever 21. Should we even be surprised by the shiny mini skirt? I love the recaps each week because we get a trip back through Ashley's choices in see-through shirts.
Recap of the season:
Ben F: "is finally ready to open up again"
Contstantine: looks like Ben F with muscles.
JP: real life dating includes ordering Chinese. Physically everything she's looking for....wait...isn't that Constantine?
Horror music plays as Mr. Smiley Ryan walks to her hotel room. Homeboy doesn't want to take no for an answer. He wants to give this more time.......Ummm buddy boy the show only has one more episode. He also states something about the "most magical moment" shoot me now.
It is good to know that ABC didn't leave him stranded in Taiwan. Ryan rehashes their date and states he didn't see their break up coming. He's 31 years old, and he couldn't just leave it where it was. So Ryan decided to be 3rd grade about it all and calls up our BFF Chris Harrison to find out where Ashley is. Chris apparently gives out his number to just anyone. If I get on the show, I'll call up Chris too and if the bachelor is someplace cool....I'll ask to be flown back. He's classy and hands her a hotel room key, and says he's there for a couple of days. She should come see him if she wants to. He looks like he's going to jump on the couch again.
Ashley decides to rock a bikini top and weird long white skirt for her date with Ben F. They have a "really nice boat" to hang out on for the day. They get festive and add flowers behind their ears and drink out of pineapple cups. They are smart and put on sunscreen. Ashley tells Ben that she wants him to put sunscreen on everything. Ummm....He was even trying to be a gentleman and said just her back would do. He awkwardly is grabbing her boobs. She then straddles Ben F to rub sunscreen on his chest. Who the hell does that?! I know what they'll be doing when the camera shuts off.
The two go snorkeling together while holding hands and holding their life jackets in the other hand. Ben wants to say the L word so bad. Don't go there buddy. Ben decides to make Ashley happy by sporting a see through shirt. Maybe they are a match made in see through shirt heaven. Dinner is complete with a fruity cocktail with an umbrella in it. Ben tells Ashley that he's fully committed to her. He once again dances around the love word. He dances around it and says instead that he's "on his way to the 'i love you' thing" Ashley hopes that tonight "Ben shows her how he feels" Showing her how he feels apparently means hold her in the pool and making out with a dramatic carry her from the pool while making out moment. Ashley is "really falling in love with him"
Ashley finds a nice midriff bearing shirt for a little awkward running towards Constantine. He admits to having an Euro mullet. She surprises him with a bachelor Brad style helicopter ride. Ashley's perfect date includes " a greek god to my left and floating over blue water".
Ryan is then shown watching Ashley's helicopter fly away.
Constantine is like a kid in a candy store. They then take a "leap of faith" together into the water under a waterfall. It'd be great if then she realized Constantine didn't know how to swim, but he does. So They swim around and he carries her on his back. They have a picnic of fresh coconut by the water. Ashley asks how many homes he looked at before he bought one. He states 108, but Ashley isn't happy with that answer. This date got awkward. I think we know who is going home.
Dinner is under a tikki hut. Constantine brings up Ben when discussing the wine. Don't go there. Don't talk about your twin. He says that if the two of them fall in love then there's nothing he can do about it. This date is awkward. Ashley says a ton that they don't have much time. Constantine says he kisses and hold people's hands without thinking about it, but he can't do it with her. This date just keeps getting worse. Constantine is logical and admits that tv dating may not be the most legit of situations. He's honest and says he wouldn't feel comfortable enough to ask for her dad to marry her. He's a real person and says that he knows what the fantasy suite means and he says he won't take her up on that. Way to go Constantine. Way to be realistic and honest and not whoring yourself out. Ashley is then left at the table alone. She's shocked "he didn't want to give it the time to see if it's there" Ummm didn't you more or less spend the entire date saying that there wasn't enough time?
"what if i end up all alone and this was for nothing?" Be glad Dentist. Who wants an engagement that never works out?
Luckily for Ashley, Mr. Sunshine is there waiting to be a back up. Fearful that she could be left alone, she thinks he may not be so bad. He looks like he wants to jump on a couch when she knocks on his door. She states he was exactly what he wanted when he stepped out of the limo. I thought Constantine was her perfect type? Oh wait is she talking about personalities? because one can find out so much from an introduction...... Ashley uses a lot of flattery. "you're one of the best guys i've ever met in my life" She turns him down because she's found what she's wanted in two people. Ryan is really stumped by the fact he's just been dumped a second time. Lesson learned here...once you get dumped; don't fly to Fiji to win that person over. He is missing someone to hold hands with someone through it all. No couch jumping today for Ryan. Keep telling yourself "it will happen" It will Mr. Smiley just not on a reality tv show.
Ashley has a great see through midriff shirt for her date with JP. They hop on small plane and take off. I like the cheesiness... "it'll be the high point of every date we've ever been on" and they're on a plane....
Fiji is "magical".
"I loved your family. They were so great"
"They adored you. My dad said you'd be a welcome addition" really? His mom didn't seem to like her. JP is "ready for the end". They awkwardly stand in knee deep water and talk. Ashley really digs guys picking her up in bodies of water. Seriously, how many times does she want guys to pick her up in water?
The two have dinner in the middle of the jungle. Good thing Ashley wore heels for the trek.
"I get you and you get me" JP is starting to sound like Barney. Ashley tells JP that she gave up two guys last night. JP thinks he's the only one left. Sorry JP, that's not how this show works. JP is at least relieved to hear it's not Bentley that came back. She tells JP to not worry about her having another boyfriend. Ashely starts fishing for compliments and tells him not to hold back. I think she wants to hear that she wants to hear the Love word. "I want you" she seems happy with that answer. They then go to the fantasy suite. Ashley goes off to change and comes out in a white see through shirt and panties showing through. Apparently girls really do use the "I need to change" line.
Ashley then sits down with BFF Christ Harrison to apparently recap everything. Ben and Ashley's relationship is light and fun. Ashley can't describe her relationship with JP. Ashley says she was fighting for her relationship with Constantine. Good life lesson there. As a girl, don't fight for a guy. Let him fight for you. Ashley also says it was harder to say goodbye to Ryan than it was Constantine. Mainly because Constantine dumped her. Ashley wants to have a rose ceremony despite the fact there are two roses and two guys. To fill time ABC films Ashley sitting around and looks off in the distance.
Ben looks sad that his twin is gone. Maybe they were separated at birth. Ben's shorter hair is a mess but he can pull it off. Ben and JP accept their roses. No surprise there.
Sunday is Men Tell All. I'm not going to lie. This ought to be entertaining. And next Monday we find out which guy Ashley picks and which guy I'll be dating. I don't mind taking her leftovers.
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