This season's bachelorette, Ashley H. is in dental school according to her bio that I checked out on abc.com (Side not i've already given in and read all the men's bios. I'm glad to see that they include a tattoo count) Last time we saw Ashely she was crying over a very annoying Brad. She regrets not "saying her true feelings and wondering how things could have been"
ABC shows us that she's a dancer. Does she really dance on a stage by herself often? Also what's with the half shirts? It's not 1990. Also what dental school lets you out to go on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette? Apparently I should've been a dentist. I feel like ABC told her to dance around for a few days and filmed her. We get it; she's likeable/loveable and an idiot for thinking she can find love.
And now we get a bio on some of the guys?
Ryan apparently likes to make hearts with hands.
JP--Apparently like to shop at farmer's markets.
Ames-talks way too much about his education. No idea how he works on wall street and manages to run 39 marathons. That doesn't add up.
Ben-Looks older than 28. Is apparently a 215 on a romantic scale. Hmmmm. Yeah somehow I doubt that. Has potential to be a stalker.
Benjamin--Wine maker. Get a hair cut. I'm pretty sure he'd be all the rage in the 90s.
Bently--Big house. Daughter named Cozy......ummm. yeah.
Anthony--New Jersey Butcher. GTL anyone? Lose the necklace kiddo.
Wes--He does not have a Carolina accent. Back story...dead wife....further my research his motherinlaw suspects him killing her. He's been cleared though.
William--Hello lover! So stinking cute. I'll date him; granted he's 30 and sells cell phones. and if you read his bio he lives with a roommate and a beta fish.
First Limo Impressions (side note I've for sure got to work on this if I go on the Bachelor so I don't look like a damn fool on tv) It's also weird that I'm old enough that I could actually date all of these guys. Sigh, I'm getting old.
Limo 1
Ryan P--Second time to see him. He's a bit awkward and smiley.
Jon--Oh boy....that tie is ugly. "Can we go straight to the honeymoon?" Ummm WTF. Borderline creepy/cute.
Lucas--"He smells good" and is "a hugger...i'm from texas"
William--He seems much younger than 31. and is apparently a hugger as well.
Mickey--Goes in for the kiss and is Denied. awkward He later tells them He kissers her...umm that's not a kiss in my book.
Limo 2
Tim- a bit old and bit too much weird NY accent. He's already drunk. Bye bye old guy.
Ben C.- Our Louisiana lover is speaking french. If that was me I wouldn't have a freaking clue what he was saying. He lucked out that she speaks french.
Steven--"i love your color" hairdresser. I can let him go; I imagine he'd whine when I didn't look presentable on a Sunday when I roll out of bed.
Chris D--25. He's 25? Is that what I look like? Is he attempting to rap? Oh poor white boy.
West--He's also a hugger. Opposite of East. A broken compass stuck on West?! HAHAHA. Yeah; I really have to work on my opening for The Bachelor.
Limo 3
Anthony---GTL butcher. He checks himself out. Still wearing that gold chain. Guys don't do that. Just. don't. He's also already drunk.
Rob--He doesn't have any crowns. He almost sounds like he is asking for free dental work.
Ames--Why are you in a blazer and khakis? Giving out ballet tickets? Thinking ahead aren't we?
Matt--Office supply salesman? I imagine he works at Dunder Mifflin. And does she have a wrist tattoo? Do all people on the bachelor become obsessed with tattoos?
Jeff- Holy Batman that's a mask. What a D-Bag. Obviously he'll stick around because he's a weirdo. Ladies don't go on a dates with a guy in a mask unless it's Halloween.
--The guys already make fun of him.
Limo 4
Ben F.--wine maker. I'll give it to him; The toast is by far the best opening. He really needs that haircut.
Frank--Kiss on the hand? Delighted to meet you? SHUT UP! He picks her up and dances her around? "that was really really sweet" um no. that was really really weird
Michael--He has bad teeth. The dentist won't keep him around. He reminds me of someone; I'm not sure who.
Chris--he says eh' like 10 time. Typical Canadian.
Ryan M.--He's silly. The camera for photos is cute. I could see him doing well in the show. He asks her to take a photo of him and Chris Harrison? sorry it just went from cute to weird.
Limo 5
J.P.--He sounds southern yet he's from NY?
Nick--Woah; bad, bad hair. and a soul patch. and a poem. Ummmm Next!
Blake--A fellow dentist. Gelled hair; Gross
Bently--Also a hugger. This season's bad boy. Obviously. Yeah for fake drama.
Constatine--what is that name? Vampire? Dental Floss? Ok; I'll give it to him; His hello is memorable.
No surprise Ryan gets the first impression rose. I swear he looks like Tom Cruise on Oprah and may jump on the couch "Yes I accept this rose!!!!"
Tim continues to drink, and passes out. No one likes to be the first person passed out at the party. He saw this as an opportunity to go party in L.A. with the young kids. No way he's just 35. For a liquor distributor he sure doesn't hold his alcohol very well.
Did some guy just say "this is going to take some guts and nuts"? Yes boys, I hope you brought a pair.
I'd have to tell wine guy that I'm in fact a vodka girl and wine does nothing for me.
SHUT UP let's call mom. I don't even know his name, but calling his mom? Not a good thing to be a momma's boy. I mean a little bit but I see momma's boys as being a bad thing. HAHA mom's advice...."Remember your moms are watching and don't forget to use your protection" For sure a momma's boy. His mom wants to get him laid.
Batman....did you know you are on a reality tv show? Obviously looks count. Take off the mask. Drunk Tim calls Batman a "creeper" hahaha. Pot calling the kettle black. "something's going to happen tonight" yeah...Tim passes out and snores like crazy. If I was Ashely I would've gotten ridden of him too, who wants to sleep next to that?
OH geez the romantic 215 guy busts out cue cards. Now where did he find those? Did they fit in his pocket? Can I bring props onto the show?
William is a salesman and is selling himself with impressions. William you can sell me a cell phone any day. He's a goofball. Some of these guys at 30 seem old some of them seem young.
Ashely wants to be called "cupcake" by the man she marries. Somehow this doesn't surprise me. J.P. does not like being called cupcake. This isn't surprising.
Big Bad Bently "Is everything she's looking for" Will this girl ever learn?
Of course she keeps Batman. This is the producer's dream. He'll take off his mask in a few weeks and will be kicked off.
Pinning boutonnieres on is really hard. How the hell does she do that so fast?
Do you think she kept Mickey so she can sing "hey mickey you're so fine you blow my mind hey mickey"? If he sticks around long he's for sure going to hear that song.
Well there's a crier. Apparently when you mix booze and boys they cry too. Oh geez. No surprise Guido butcher goes home. Rob is crushed and defeated. Bad tie guy goes home. His family fell in love with her. I hope my future husband's family doesn't watch me go topless for a photo shoot on tv.
Ashley mentions the word "husband" in front of 18 guys. Not one of them runs. Like that's the real world.
Congrats if you made it this far; I swear these will be shorter. I'm taking notes for myself for when I'm on this show. This season hopefully won't disappoint. I'm sure it'll prove to be "the most dramatic season ever"
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