The Bachelorette, Episode 1

Last season a friend convinced me to watch The Bachelor, and so I've been sucked into watching The Bachelorette.  I'm calling it research for when I fill out my application to be on the next Bachelor season.

This season's bachelorette, Ashley H. is in dental school according to her bio that I checked out on abc.com (Side not i've already given in and read all the men's bios.  I'm glad to see that they include a tattoo count)  Last time we saw Ashely she was crying over a very annoying Brad.  She regrets not "saying her true feelings and wondering how things could have been" 

ABC shows us that she's a dancer.  Does she really dance on a stage by herself often?  Also what's with the half shirts?  It's not 1990.  Also what dental school lets you out to go on The Bachelor and The Bachelorette?  Apparently I should've been a dentist.  I feel like ABC told her to dance around for a few days and filmed her.  We get it; she's likeable/loveable and an idiot for thinking she can find love. 

And now we get a bio on some of the guys?

Ryan apparently likes to make hearts with hands. 

JP--Apparently like to shop at farmer's markets.

Ames-talks way too much about his education.  No idea how he works on wall street and manages to run 39 marathons.  That doesn't add up.  

Ben-Looks older than 28.  Is apparently a 215 on a romantic scale.  Hmmmm.  Yeah somehow I doubt that.  Has potential to be a stalker.

Benjamin--Wine maker.  Get a hair cut.  I'm pretty sure he'd be all the rage in the 90s.  

Bently--Big house.  Daughter named Cozy......ummm.  yeah.

Anthony--New Jersey Butcher.  GTL anyone?  Lose the necklace kiddo.

Wes--He does not have a Carolina accent.  Back story...dead wife....further my research his motherinlaw suspects him killing her.  He's been cleared though. 

William--Hello lover!  So stinking cute.  I'll date him; granted he's 30 and sells cell phones.  and if you read his bio he lives with a roommate and a beta fish.  

First Limo Impressions (side note I've for sure got to work on this if I go on the Bachelor so I don't look like a damn fool on tv)  It's also weird that I'm old enough that I could actually date all of these guys.  Sigh, I'm getting old.  

Limo 1

Ryan P--Second time to see him.  He's a bit awkward and smiley.  

Jon--Oh boy....that tie is ugly.  "Can we go straight to the honeymoon?"  Ummm WTF.  Borderline creepy/cute.

Lucas--"He smells good" and is "a hugger...i'm from texas"

William--He seems much younger than 31. and is apparently a hugger as well.

Mickey--Goes in for the kiss and is Denied.  awkward  He later tells them He kissers her...umm that's not a kiss in my book.

Limo 2

Tim- a bit old and bit too much weird NY accent.  He's already drunk.  Bye bye old guy.

Ben C.- Our Louisiana lover is speaking french.  If that was me I wouldn't have a freaking clue what he was saying.  He lucked out that she speaks french.

Steven--"i love your color"  hairdresser.  I can let him go;  I imagine he'd whine when I didn't look presentable on a Sunday when I roll out of bed.

Chris D--25.  He's 25?  Is that what I look like?  Is he attempting to rap?  Oh poor white boy.

West--He's also a hugger.  Opposite of East.   A broken compass stuck on West?!  HAHAHA.  Yeah; I really have to work on my opening for The Bachelor.

Limo 3

Anthony---GTL butcher.  He checks himself out.  Still wearing that gold chain.  Guys don't do that.  Just. don't.  He's also already drunk.

Rob--He doesn't have any crowns.  He almost sounds like he is asking for free dental work.  

Ames--Why are you in a blazer and khakis?  Giving out ballet tickets?  Thinking ahead aren't we?

Matt--Office supply salesman?  I imagine he works at Dunder Mifflin.   And does she have a wrist tattoo?  Do all people on the bachelor become obsessed with tattoos?

Jeff- Holy Batman that's a mask.  What a D-Bag.  Obviously he'll stick around because he's a weirdo.  Ladies don't go on a dates with a guy in a mask unless it's Halloween.

--The guys already make fun of him.

Limo 4

Ben F.--wine maker.  I'll give it to him;  The toast is by far the best opening.  He really needs that haircut.

Frank--Kiss on the hand?  Delighted to meet you?  SHUT UP!  He picks her up and dances her around? "that was really really sweet"  um no.  that was really really weird

Michael--He has bad teeth.  The dentist won't keep him around.    He reminds me of someone;  I'm not sure who.

Chris--he says eh' like 10 time.  Typical Canadian.

Ryan M.--He's silly.  The camera for photos is cute.  I could see him doing well in the show.  He asks her to take a photo of him and Chris Harrison?  sorry it just went from cute to weird.  

Limo 5

J.P.--He sounds southern yet he's from NY?  

Nick--Woah;  bad, bad hair.  and a soul patch.  and a poem.  Ummmm  Next!

Blake--A fellow dentist.  Gelled hair;  Gross

Bently--Also a hugger.  This season's bad boy.  Obviously.  Yeah for fake drama.

Constatine--what is that name?  Vampire?  Dental Floss?  Ok; I'll give it to him;  His hello is memorable.

No surprise Ryan gets the first impression rose.  I swear he looks like Tom Cruise on Oprah and may jump on the couch "Yes I accept this rose!!!!" 

Tim continues to drink, and passes out.  No one likes to be the first person passed out at the party.  He saw this as an opportunity to go party in L.A. with the young kids.  No way he's just 35.  For a liquor distributor he  sure doesn't hold his alcohol very well.

Did some guy just say "this is going to take some guts and nuts"?  Yes boys, I hope you brought a pair.

I'd have to tell wine guy that I'm in fact a vodka girl and wine does nothing for me.

SHUT UP let's call mom.  I don't even know his name, but calling his mom?  Not a good thing to be a momma's boy.  I mean a little bit but I see momma's boys as being a bad thing.  HAHA mom's advice...."Remember your moms are watching and don't forget to use your protection"  For sure a momma's boy.  His mom wants to get him laid.

Batman....did you know you are on a reality tv show?  Obviously looks count.  Take off the mask.  Drunk Tim calls Batman a "creeper"  hahaha.  Pot calling the kettle black.  "something's going to happen tonight"  yeah...Tim passes out and snores like crazy.  If I was Ashely I would've gotten ridden of him too, who wants to sleep next to that?

OH geez the romantic 215 guy busts out cue cards.  Now where did he find those?  Did they fit in his pocket?  Can I bring props onto the show?  

William is a salesman and is selling himself with impressions.  William you can sell me a cell phone any day.  He's a goofball.  Some of these guys at 30 seem old  some of them seem young.  

Ashely wants to be called "cupcake" by the man she marries.  Somehow this doesn't surprise me.  J.P. does not like being called cupcake.  This isn't surprising.  

Big Bad Bently "Is everything she's looking for"  Will this girl ever learn?

Of course she keeps Batman.  This is the producer's dream.  He'll take off his mask in a few weeks and will be kicked off.

Pinning boutonnieres on is really hard.  How the hell does she do that so fast?

Do you think she kept Mickey so she can sing "hey mickey you're so fine you blow my mind hey mickey"?  If he sticks around long he's for sure going to hear that song.

Well there's a crier.  Apparently when you mix booze and boys they cry too.  Oh geez.  No surprise Guido butcher goes home.  Rob is crushed and defeated.  Bad tie guy goes home.  His family fell in love with her.  I hope my future husband's family doesn't watch me go topless for a photo shoot on tv.

Ashley mentions the word "husband" in front of 18 guys.  Not one of them runs.  Like that's the real world.

Congrats if you made it this far;  I swear these will be shorter.  I'm taking notes for myself for when I'm on this show.  This season hopefully won't disappoint.  I'm sure it'll prove to be "the most dramatic season ever"  

  

Tidbits

First of all, I never liked pineapple tidbits.  I have no idea why they call them tidbits, but I guess it's a better name for chunks.

This morning I noticed that Zack Morris wears Cosby sweaters.  Did everyone wear Cosby sweaters in the early 90s?  I mean my mom painted a few sweatshirts for me with reindeer on them, but they were never quite up to standards are Cosby sweaters.  I will say Zack Morris can get away with the Cosby sweaters.

I've also noticed the past few mornings, the while I'm still in love with Zack; his game isn't quite as impressive when watching it as my 24 year old self.  This morning, he was hitting on Laura the homeless girl from the Christmas episodes.   He had a thing for her yet we never see or hear from Laura again after Christmas is over.  She and her dad are invited over to the Morris' household for dinner where she apparently eats 4 pork chops.  I don't know if i've ever been that hungry; granted I did once eat 7 ice cream sandwiches over lunch, and probably 10 rolls at kamp.  But that's a different story.  Zack gives her a, "I'm picturing you naked look" and says, "It all looks good to me."  The way he said it weirded me out, but it's Zack Morris; obviously I'm putty to his charm.

In others 90's news, Ben Savage (Boy Meets World's Cory Matthews) is going to be at Fresno Grizzlies MiLB game.  I'd love to be there, but I'm not quite sure why.  Part of me thinks I'd pretend he was Fred Savage and ask him how it was to be on The Wonder Years.  He joins the touring of parks like many great 90s tv stars of Richard Belding and Carlton Banks.  Sorry Ben, you just hit a new low, but I'm totally visiting any baseball park he comes to within three hours.  I'm totally crossing my fingers for Springfield, Tulsa, the Naturals, or the Travs to get him.

In non 90s childhood news, I'd like to say today was a good day.  Nothing extraordinary happened, but I loved today nonetheless.

I'm also way proud of myself for figuring out how to reset my oil light in my car and sync a button in my car to open my apartment gate without my key fob.  I did however fail at setting up my hands free in my car.  My car apparently doesn't understand my accent.  Nor did it understand certain expletives I may have yelled when it wouldn't work.  No car..... I didn't mean Fan.

That's not really a story to end a blog post on, but i'm done rambling for the day.

24

My 24th year is coming to a close.  I considered doing a list of 25 things about myself but then I realized that 25 is a lot of things.  Turning 25 isn't scary.  Maybe it's because I started telling people I was 25 this past winter.  I don't really feel as if I'm very old, but when I start to look at my life I realize I am.

In the past year, I've managed to move out and live completely alone.  I really have enjoyed it; I swear I've only been scared once.  I've seen 2 feet of snow fall in a short amount of time from my apartment window. I've kept two plants alive for two years.  Trust me, this is no easy task for me.   I honestly thought they'd have died ages ago.  I've kept up with running.  Some days are better than others; but for the most part running three miles is no big deal.  I've had my first "real" job for a full year.  I've made a few grown up decisions for myself that I'm happy with.  I've manage to keep in touch with my closest friends from college, a couple of high school friends, and I've managed to make a few new ones.  I've also stopped biting my nails (or i have for the past 5 weeks)

24 has been a good year.  I plan to enjoy the last few days, and I actually look forward to 25.  A lot can change in a year.  I guess I'll have to put in 25 now into the treadmill instead of 24.  I can live with that.

Side note: my downstairs neighbors now have two large dogs.  They've decided to let them sit on their porch and watch all the cars and people walk by.  They've been barking since I've gotten home.  I may have yelled shut up to the dogs.  It didn't work.  I've never met the neighbors, but I have a feeling I may be meeting them real soon.

A Dad's Advice

While eating dinner tonight, I overheard a dad talking with his two children at the table next to me.  I'd say his young son was 8-11 and his teenage daughter was 13-15.  I heard them discuss college, and it made me laugh.

"And that's why when you go off to college, you don't stay up all night before a final.  You make sure you go to bed early and get plenty of rest"

Good luck kids on that one.  In college I pulled exactly two all nighters in my four years of college.  Studying was never a big deal for me, so my study time included seeing who was in the honors study lab wanting to talk.  After it was midnight or later, i'd go back to the dorm/sorority house, review my notes, and then go to sleep.  Or find someone who was up studying and talk to them.  My first all night-er was mainly because I hung out once again until 3am without opening a book.  I reviewed notes from 3:20-5.  Napped from 5-6.  Picked up breakfast and reviewed notes before my 7:30 final.  

This obviously made me think back to college and remember all the fun I had staying up late.  I wasn't a crazy partier;  I was more random than that.  I had a great group of friends that would decide that IHOP was necessary at 2am or my freshmen year roomie would go through hours and hours of tv on dvd.  And one time we built a fort on a snow day.  The point is in college, it's all about building random friendships.  You can sleep or study during the day.

In the words of Asher Rother, "I love college"

The Bachelor

Will you accept this....peony?

All my friend have heard me joke about for years on how I plan on going on The Bachelor.  I joke about it even more now that I'm almost 25.  

You see, I have a game plan.  First The Bachelor, where I will make America fall in love with the sweet southern girl from Arkansas only to have the Bachelor break my heart.  America will love so much that ABC asks me to become The Bachelorette.

Being the Bachelorette will be a daunting task, I realize.  I will ask the show to let me use peonies, because I like those more than roses.  Roses are overrated.  Dating 25 guys won't be easy.  I have enough issues finding one person to date, but with the help of tv cameras, there will be 25.  Sorry Mom, I will make out with a lot of them.  By the end of the show, I get  a guy down on one knee with a big ring purchased by ABC.  We'll be in the tabloids for a few months before he breaks my heart, and I'm left single.  Luckily the ring will be made into something pretty.  Then America will want to see me succeed, and I will go on dancing with the stars in which I will kick ass and obviously win.   Top 3 at worst.

Much kidding aside, I keep actually wanting to apply. I'd be terrible.  I do think i'd end up being the girl that fell for the guy despite the fact he was dating other girls.  Maybe I'm a sucker.  I realize I spend a lot of time convincing myself i'm going to end up hurt and I need to bail or being worried about being "that girl" that never saw the clues that he's not that into me.  Hello ABC, I'm perfect for this show.

The Bachelorette starts the day after my 25th birthday.  I'm obviously going to watch the train wreck unfold for pointers....just in case.

Hello 12 Year Old Sara

As a kid growing up, I had all kinds of expectations for myself.  Sometimes I question what my younger self would think about almost 25 year old me.

I think 12 year old would be proud of the following things:

1. the fact I can rock 5'' high heels.
2. my diet.  My life consists of ice cream, pizza, and chickfila.  No worries, I have an apple a day to balance things out.
3. That I studied abroad in London.
4. I can still recite at least one line from music I listened to in high school....and I can still bust out moves from Whippets when needed.
5. I've kept two plants alive for almost 2 years.

Things I'd be shocked to find out:
1. I actually run for fun.  and more than 20ft.  even if no one is chasing me.
2. I got a boob job.
3. That at almost 25, I'm still not 100% certain what I'm doing with my life.
4. That I never made it on a Disney Channel movie.

Overall, I think 12 year old Sara would be pleased with me.  I mean I own The Mighty Ducks on DVD; I have a decent shoe collection;  and I have some pretty great friends that accept me despite how weird I am.

If you need me to sing remix to ignition to you, just give me a call.

Extreme Couponing

Watch out blog world, I'm on a roll.

Yesterday I was complete bum, and I got sucked into watching an embarrassing amount of "Extreme Couponing" on TLC.  I've heard the ladies I work with discuss the show and how they too want to extreme coupon.   I'm not anti coupons.  I like them, and I still totally use my student ID for student discounts despite the fact I've been out of college for 3 years, but I don't get kicks and giggles from it.

Seriously I haven't watched a show this weird in quite some time.  I watch a lot of tv, so that says a lot.  These people devote 70-80 hours a week to collecting and clipping and organizing coupons.  In order to be a good extreme couponer you apparently need to devote one to two rooms to your stock pile because if you can get deodorant for free and purchase 200 sticks, you'll need a place to store it.

Now some of these people use their "skills" for good and will donate say 1100 boxes of serious they paid just $100 for to a food shelter.  That's great, but they also will keep a lot of things for themselves.  Do you really need a wall of toilet paper?  I get it; it totally sucks to pay for toilet paper, deodorant, toothpaste, etc, but it's a fact of life.  You need it, but do you really need to have enough for 34 years?!

My favorite were a set of twins.  They have over a thousand diapers saved up.  I hear diapers are expensive.  I wouldn't know, and I'm ok with not knowing that fact.  The kicker is neither of them are married or have kids!!!  I can't imagine how that would go over if they invited a guy over for dinner, and they walked into their stash closet..
"um you have a lot of diapers, do you have any kids?"
"not yet...."
That won't scare a guy a way.....

Another favorite is a lady that gets dressed to the nines including full make up and stiletto back boots to do her shopping.  "People look and me and think wow she's got to be rich"  These people will spend 5 hours shopping out the best deals and separating them out into separate transactions to get the best deals. Note...don't ever get behind these people in the check out line.

I understand people are on a budget and that clipping coupons is like free money, but seriously....I don't ever want it to be my life.  I don't want or need 30 bottles of salad dressing even if I can get them for free.

I'm a single girl and I rarely cook for myself, so I don't get it.  The ladies at work are all moms on a budget and to them the thought of getting free cereal is thrilling.  I pray that free cereal isn't the highlight of my day in the future.